Stakeout
by erika red
Summary: Goren and Eames are on a stakeout. Banter ensues. Please R&R! Last Chapter Posted!
1. Hell for Cops

"Man, I haven't been on a stakeout in forever."

"Oh what fun we've missed." Goren raised an eyebrow, and looked at his partner.

Alex grinned and pulled her sweater tighter around her.

"Are you cold?"

"Just a little. It would be nice if we could turn the heat on."

"Mm." Goren stretched out a bit more, as much as he could in the small space. "You know.."

"Don't even start."

"What? What did you think I was going to say?"

Eames narrowed her eyes at him.

"You were going to offer to warm me up."

"Oh, you wish. I mean, lovely as you are Alex," He smiled and leaned towards her a little bit. "That would hardly be professional."

"Yeah, when I think of Robert Goren, the first word that comes to mind is "professional." You are nothing if not by the book."

He grinned and they lapsed into silence. They were sitting outside a dark suburban house, watching for any signs of life, and none were forthcoming.

"My butt hurts." Eames muttered.

"Gum?" Goren offered her a pack of orbit.

"That was quite the non-sequitur," She laughed.

"You know, every time you complain about your ass hurting, something happens and we have to get on our feet." Goren eyed her with feigned suspicion.

"What are you talking about?"

"Remember the Van Acker case?"

"Yeah.. and?"

"When we were staking out the sewers."

"We weren't 'staking out the sewers.'"

"Whatever, the second you complained about your ass getting cold, our guy showed up."

"You really think there's a connection between my ass and apprehension of suspects?"

Goren rolled his eyes toward the window, and tried to remain straight faced.

"Well, not exactly. I mean, I can't really imagine your ass making anyone _apprehensive_.."

She punched him lightly in the arm and he laughed.

"...You sure put a lot of thought into my ass."

"Well, my theory seems to be flawed."

"Hmm?"

"We're still sitting here."

"True." She sighed deeply, and pushed her shoulders back. "When are we getting relieved?"

"Not for another half hour."

"I'm starving."

"Me too."

"What are the odds that the second we get relieved, Patrick will waltz up to that house and the other team will arrest him.. and call us right back here?"

"Too good. I'm not taking that bet."

"Wise man. D'ya think that if we're really significantly inebriated they'll call us out? Or do you think that they'd just lock him up for the night."

"You sneaky.." He grinned.

"Sneaky what?"

"Brilliant, conniving love of my life?"

"Oh, I like that. That's good."

Eames yawned, then Goren did too.

"I think when cops go to hell.. they are forever doomed to stakeouts."

"I don't think I'll ever sit again."

"I'm warning you now, Goren, I'm _blasting _heat when we get out of here."

"Can I roll my window down now? I'm sweating at the thought."

"God no."

"I was kidding, Eames," He laughed at the look on her face.

_"Hey, you guys ready to go home?" _The voice crackled over the two way.

"But we were having so much fun..." Eames mutters.

Goren laughs softly as he picks up the two way. "Yeah, we were taking bets on how long it would take you two to find the place."

_more? Please R&R!_


	2. Need for Speed

"Oh thank _god._" Eames rolled her shoulders and put the key in the ignition. She picked up the ipod stashed under the cigarette lighter and handed it to Goren. "Here, you do the honors. Where do you wanna get dinner?"

He took the ipod and scrolled through, settling on U2. Eames' taste in music was wide, and definitely varied. Bono launched into New Year's Day, but Goren kept the volume at a conversational level.

"Ooh.." Eames peered over the steering wheel. "Look at the sky, Bobby. We might get snow tonight." She frowned.

"Want me to drive?"

She rolled her eyes and glanced at him. "Be serious. I may have grown up in New York City, but I've driven in snow plenty of times." She noted his dubious look and elaborated. "Relatives up state."

He chuckled.

"What I _really _want is a pina colada. Mm. I haven't had one in ages."

"Do you want to order in?"

"And skip the mixed girly drinks? Hell no." She scoffed.

"No, I mean, the reason I ask, is because I've got a whole bottle of coconut rum at my place. I haven't had a reason to open it. We could stop off and get that frozen pina colada mix."

"You, my friend, are brilliant. A genius."

"I earn these praises for offering you flavored alcohol?"

"What, you're a brilliant genius on other occasions?"

"Cute. Very cute."

Eames was speeding. Not a lot, but not a little, either. So when the red white and blue lights began flashing behind them, it took her a minute to realize they were meant for her.

"I forgot we were undercover. I'm so used to the SUVie with the cop plates." She pulled to the side and reached over Goren to open the glove compartment.

"You're not going to flash your badge?"

"Ethics. We're off duty."

"You just wanna mess with a rookie."

"I do not."

"Yes you do, you wicked woman."

"Hey now, I don't call you names when you decide to mess with people."

She rolled down her window to see a very cross looking young officer.

"Evening officer, what seems to be the trouble?" She smiled.

"You were going 80 miles an hour, Miss. May I see your license and registration?"

"Of course." She handed him the documents.

The officer took them and went back to his cruiser.

"You're mean."

"I'm not mean."

"You are."

"i'm a law abiding citizen."

"Citizen shmitizen."

"Did you just say shmitizen to me?"

"No."

"Yes you did."

"Shh, he's coming back. Ooh, he looks nervous. You're so mean."

"I'm not mean!"

She rolled her window down again, and smiled, genially. He handed back her license and registration.

"I uh.. didn't realize.. uh.. you were a Detective. Detective. Um.. I uh... suggest that .. um. Have a nice night." He backed off quickly, and was obviously restraining himself from running back to his cruiser. She waited until her window was up and he had sped off before bursting into laughter.

"You are cruel, Eames. I mean, wow."

"Hey, _he _didn't have to sit in a cold car for four hours with you."

"I take offense to that."

"But you can't argue with it."

"Touche. What should we order?"

"Hmm.. chinese and coconut.. yuck. Ooh..." Her eyes lit up.

"What.."

"Have any good indian places near your apartment?"

"Heck yes. Ooh, that is a good combination."

"I am a master."

"Of matching various alcoholic beverages to different types of ethic take out?"

"Hey, a girl needs a skill in life."

_MORE? Please R&R!_


	3. Back at the Ranch

"Ugh, I've gotta get out of these shoes." Eames was leaning against the elevator wall as it climbed up to Goren's floor.

He grinned and glanced at her outfit. They were undercover, and both had dressed like they might if they were on a date, or as two people might be dressed if they weren't cops and happened to be sitting in a car together at night. She wore a knee length skirt that flared slightly, a sleeveless scoop neck t-shirt under a fitted sweater. Her shoes were something else entirely. They were a baby doll style, black velvet with a faux diamond studded buckle, and three inch heels.

"Want me to carry you the rest of the way, or do you think you can manage?"

"You wouldn't carry me, anyway."

"You're right. If you want liquor, you'll just have to crawl."

"You're a cruel man, Goren. Anyone ever tell you that? A cruel man, with a nasty mean streak."

"You're just grumpy because I'm threatening to deny you alcohol."

"You know me too well."

The elevator dinged to a stop and the doors slid open.

"Come on, soldier." He put out his arm and she leaned on him, walking slowly towards his apartment together.

"Wow, I'm beat."

"It's been a crazy week."

"I think 'ridiculous' is a more appropriate description."

"Talbot?"

"Bingo."

He unlocked his door and she leaned against the wall, looking up at him.

"Hey.. were you serious about your theory?"

"Which one?"

"About small guys?"

"And why they like petite women?" He laughed. "Yeah. Actually."

Eames shook her head, laughing quietly. "So.. what's your excuse, then?"

"Ah ah.. we aren't drunk yet."

"OH. I forgot, there's a procedure to asking inappropriate and potentially regrettable questions."

"Of course."

He ushered her inside, where she immediately plopped down on his couch and took off her shoes. He went into the kitchen, returning moments later with a pack of cigarettes, and the take out menu.

"Oh shoot.." Eames took the folded menu from him.

"What?"

"We forgot the frozen pina colada stuff."

"I'm sure we'll manage. I've got stuff in the fridge."

"Listen, Bobby, you're a great detective, but making things from scratch isn't your strong suit."

"Fear not, my patient and lovely partner. I have daiquiri mix."

"Can you hand me the remote? I want the Aloo Gobi and samosas."

"Yes, your highness. Right away your highness."

"Don't mock me, you've yet to pour me that promised drink."

"A drink you may have. The remote, not so much."

"A gentleman on the surface, but underneath it all, a regular man." She stretched out on the couch and yawned.

"No falling asleep. You can have the remote until I come back. Use it wisely."

"Oh calm down, I'm not going to try and eat it or something. I can wait for the food to get here."

"Maybe you shouldn't be left alone with my possessions."

"Get out of here."

He pretended to watch her suspiciously until he disappeared from view into the kitchen and called in the order. She channel surfed in the mean time. Goren had all the fun channels, like SciFi, Discovery, a handful of the HBOs and some of the more adult channels, like Cinemax. She grinned as paused on a stand up routine, and then switched to a crime drama.

"I love this show."

"Which one?"

"Crime and Punishment: Major Case."

"Ooh _yeah _I always get a kick out of that. And Columbo--" He paused as an operator picked up. "For delivery. Sure."

"You like Columbo?"

"I love Columbo. I used to watch it all the time with my dad when I was a kid."

"I was a Columbo nut. I want the dvds."

"I have-- Yeah, a number fourteen, a number 37 ... yeah."

She tuned him out as he finished the order and watched the beginning of the show.

"Alex? You fall asleep on me?"

"Noo.. I just tuned you out while you were on the phone."

"Do you want daiquiris, or pina coladas? I have both mixes, as it so happens."

"Oh yay! I vote for pina coladas."

"Shocking."

"I know."

The blender began to whirr and she stood up to use the bathroom. When she came out, he was sitting on the couch and her drink was on the coffee table, his in his hand.

"You are the best partner in the entire world." She ruffled his hair, then leaned over the back of the couch to grab her glass.

"Sheesh."

_More? You know the drill.. Please R&R! _


	4. Hush

Oh, okay, because ya'll really wanted one. (Thank you, very much). I've had the worst case of writers block, yet started another fic already -- it's in process -- a post-ep for the third horseman. This is almost entirely dialogue, with very very little description. Hopefully you can infer from what the characters say and how they respond what's going on. If more explanation is necessary, let me know.

_  
She's got loving like quicksand  
Only took one touch of her hand  
To blow my mind and I'm in so deep  
That I can't eat and I can't sleep _

- Deep Purple, _Hush _

* * *

A cellphone rang, and Alex picked it up. 

"Eames." She paused, and looked around, then patted the pocket of her jacket, which had been slung over the back of the sofa, "Oh, whoops.. wrong one. Hee." She pulled out another cellphone that was blinking silently. "Well, we're drinking, so we can't come out. It would be dangerous." She laughed, "Yeah, I'm sure you tell all the girls that."

Bobby raised an eyebrow, and shook his head.

"Hey, listen, no... wait!" She started laughing again, "We're allowed to get royally fucked up, you know why?" She batted his hand away as he tried to steal his phone from her. "First of all, you weren't subjected to war trivia, amongst other riveting topics, _nor _were -- wait, wait, it IS so bad, you want to sit next to my partner while he ticks off little known facts about various civil war battles?"

"Revolutionary war."

"What_ever _it's no wonder he's a great interrogator... what? Let him sweat."

"Alex."

"What?"

"Give me my phone."

"Hang on, Goren wants to speak with you. _I _don't know, ask him. Here."

"Hi. Anything yet? He probably tunnels out. Yeah, keep an eye on the sewers. No, I'm _not _kidding. See if you can get Logan to sit in the back with binoculars."

"You are such a bastard." Alex shook her head.

"No, no, she was just asking me if I wanted to do another body shot."

"Bobby!"

"No, she didn't ... alright, I confess, I am a liar. We're playing strip poker, and going shot for shot--"

"Give me the phone," Alex lunged for it, but he held her off, laughing.

"Well, I'll admit, I was shocked. Genuinely shocked. I mean, I'm not going to tell you -- _NO _tickling, Eames, I mean it -- I'm not going to pretend I didn't like it, Barek, I mean, she's a beautiful woman, but a _thong? _I just wasn't expec-- OUCH!"

"Hi. He's a liar. An absolute liar. and he's drunk. Very drunk. Beyond hope. I should probably go, yes, that's a good idea. But you can call back when you're getting tired of Logan's whining. I'm sure we'll be more than enough entertainment for both of you. .. Oh shove it." She snapped the phone shut as he made another poorly aimed grab for it.

"You're a cruel woman, Eames."

"A thong? You told Barek I wear thongs?"

"I wasn't talking about you."

"Like hell."

"What, you're a beautiful woman? Ow! I'll have you know, that beautiful women do not pinch, whack, slap, bite or otherwise assault their partners. Get your pincers away from me, woman. I'm getting another drink."

"How would you know that I wear thongs?"

"What?"

"How would you know?"

"I don't know what you're talking about, except now I'm aware you wear .. I'm aware you wear.. he he.. Alex, are you aware that you wear thongs, and I'm aware that you wear them? wear.."

"Bobby."

"You don't have lines."

"Lines?"

"You know,"

"Oh god."

"What."

"You're incredibly observant."

"So I've been told."

"..of my ass."

"Well, I like it."

"Woo.." Alex leaned on the counter, and Bobby steadied her.

"You okay, slugger? Hey, going shot for shot with a guy twice your size.."

"Not smart?"

"Not so much, no."

"What were we doing before Barek and Logan called?"

"Necking."

"Lies."

"God's honest."

"You're the worst liar."

"I'm a great liar, I'll have you know."

"You can't lie to me." She swayed slightly, and looked up at him, drunkenly serious.

"No.. I can't." He thumbed her jaw. "We weren't necking."

"I KNEW it! ... wait."

"What?"

"Are you sure?"

"You are _beyond _the beyond, Eames."

"I'm gone?"

"Way gone. Send me a postcard. Actually, invite me next time, because your bizarre little universe sounds sort of fun."

"There's necking involved."

"Apparently..." His hand slid from her jaw to her neck, to the buttons of her shirt.

"Oh, you didn't get the invitation, so you're gonna stow away?"

"Mhmm."

She crossed her arms and shrugged. It was comical, she was so small and so very drunk, yet still tough and snarky. He didn't laugh. Instead, he slipped his other hand to her waist, then to the small of her back. It always amazed him how little she was, and how big he was by comparison. His breath was soft and warm on her skin. His lips brushed her jaw, then her neck, and as he nipped her gently, she slid her hands up his chest, linking them around his neck.

"I told you there was necking." She whispered.

"I stand corrected." He mumbled into her throat.

* * *

_Remember, if you like it, review it, and I'll write more! Yay fan fic! _  



	5. It's a TEASER!

Her cellphone had been ringing repeatedly for fifteen minutes when she finally opened her eyes and groaned.

"God damn it," She muttered, reaching for the offending sound.

As she became conscious, she realized she was still dressed from the night before. She had an awful taste in her mouth, and her head was throbbing slightly.

"Fuck.." She grabbed the phone and flipped it open. "Eames."

"You sound like hell."

"Good morning to you, too, Captain."

"You and Goren have fun last night?"

She sat bolt upright, and a flush came to her cheeks. Deakins chuckled and cleared his throat. "Take two aspirin, a cold glass of water, and see me in an hour."

The fog of her hangover made her ponder what other hangover cure he had at the ready, until she realized that he meant work.

"And while you're at it, Eames, wake up Goren. I've been calling him for half an hour with no luck."

"Sure. Be right there, Sir." She mumbled, clapping the phone shut.

She slid out of bed and swayed into the living room. Her partner was lying uncomfortably on her couch, his feet sticking over the arm. He had a pillow over his face, presumably to block out the sound of his cell phone, which was still persistently beeping at him.

"God _damn _it," He muttered, as one hand waved in the general direction of the sound. The pillow was still pressed firmly over his face. She tried not to laugh as she weaved towards the kitchen for a glass of water.

Bobby woke to the chirping of his phone and the sound of things falling over. He tentatively pulled the pillow off of his face, squinting in the light. He was in Eames' apartment. Drunk, and... His eyebrow raised as he realized that he wasn't wearing any clothes. At least, he didn't think so. _No, fuck, definitely not. _He tried to locate his clothing, but from his vantage point was unable to.

"Want some water?"

"Hm? Oh, yeah, thanks. Wait, on second thought, no, I--"

"Bobby?"

"Yeah.."

"Got a little warm?"

"It's like a fucking sauna in here, Eames."

"I know. I'm sorry. Pants?" She offered, as she picked them up off of the floor.

"Thanks." He held them over the blanket that was wrapped around him.

"Uh.." She looked at the various articles of clothing still lying on her floor. "I'll let you .. get your things together."

* * *

"Why did we drink so much?"

"I think rational thought flew out the window by the sixth shot."

"Why were we going shot for shot?"

"I just remember talking to Logan."

"I remember necking."

"Did we do anything else?"

"Hey, _I _was fully dressed."

"Look, I apologize for that, but damn it, if you would keep your thermostat at a reasonable temperature, I wouldn't be forced to disrobe as a matter of survival. Unless.."

"Unless what?"

"You sneaky wench."

"What!" She started laughing.

"That was your plan, wasn't it," He managed to look offended and hurt, all at once, as her gales of laughter filled the car.

* * *

"We were starting to take bets on whether or not you two would show." Barek grinned.

"Yeah yeah yeah, don't you guys have jobs?"

"Very funny." Logan shook his finger at Eames.

"So what's the story? Why _are _we here?" Goren sat down at the conference table.

"It turns out you were right," Barek smiled apologetically.

"Right?"

"Your drunken idea to watch the sewers?"

Goren stared at her. Eames snorted, and covered her mouth, though her entire body shook with the giggles she was keeping quiet.

"You're.. you're not serious,"

"Oh yeah. Our boy stank, too. I can't tell you what _fun _we had last night," Logan glared at Alex.

"Oh come on, it's funny,"

"Yeah, it's just hilarious." Logan muttered darkly.

* * *

_A teaser? I know, I'm MEAN, aren't I. Want more? R&R!_


	6. Some teaser, mostly banter

_Okay, okay. You upheld your end of the bargain, I guess I gotta uphold mine._

* * *

"Hey, menfolk." Barek and Eames strolled into the room that Goren and Logan had hijacked. Papers and files and maps were spread all over the table, and a dry erase board was propped up against the wall, covered in scribbles. 

"Womenfolk! Bearing gifts!" Logan raised his hands joyfully.

"We bring you coffee, and files." Eames set down the cardboard holder full of steaming paper cups.

"I love manilla." Logan reached forward, and Barek handed him a file.

"Caffeine.. The drink of champions." Goren slid a cup from the holder.

"That's right, champ. Are you guys ready to call it a night? It smells weird in here. Like.. man-funk."

"That is the smell of Law Enforcement, Eames. You'd do well not to poke fun."

"It smells more like... Frustration and Angst. I take it no leads?"

"None! We'd have a better shot throwing darts at the map." Logan stood up suddenly, to punctuate his outburst, and then looked bewildered after doing so.

"Yeah. Let's wrap it up. I know I'm completely burnt out, and we're doing no one any favors staying later and getting nothing accomplished." Barek began piling folders on top of each other.

"Ladies, ladies.. no need to tidy. It will all be here tomorrow."

"God, it really does smell weird in here. What did you guys eat while we were gone?"

"This room isn't ventilated. That's all you need know, Barek." Eames made a face, and Goren chuckled.

* * *

"You look ready to pass out." 

"I am."

"I realize this is going to sound incredibly cliché, but you should come up and have some coffee before meandering home."

"Mmf."

"Eames."

"I'm awake."

"That's _not _an encouraging response."

"I am."

"You're a horrible liar. Especially when your eyes are closed."

"Come on.. Bobby. I'll just sleep here."

"Eames."

"Fine, okay, fine."

* * *

"Bobby? What time is it." Eames jerked up. 

"About two am. Jesus, that's creepy. You just suddenly snapped awake once I brought coffee towards you." Goren set the mug on the coffee table in front of her.

"It's a useless sixth sense." She said, her hands warming around the mug.

"I see that. Still, given your near comatose state for the past fifteen minutes, and the fact that I had to fireman carry you up here--"

"You fireman carried me?"

"Yes'm."

"I'm sorry I missed that."

"Anyway, maybe you should consider the rejuvenating benefits of my couch."

"Bobby, come on, I'm fine."

"Or my bed."

Her eyesbrows shot up.

"...and I'll take the couch. I'm just saying, I don't think you should drive."

"Okay, okay. I'll take the couch."

"You'd better stop drinking that, or you'll be wired all night, and bounce off the walls while I'm trying to sleep."

"Yes, that's precisely what I do after I've had my coffee."

"You are eerily cat like, it's true."

She let out a giant yawn, and he smiled.

"I'll grab some blankets and pillows for you, not that you _actually _need them, but I'd be a poor host if I didn't provide."

"You're the best host ever."

"Best partner, best host. I'm really batting a thousand this week." He turned and walked into the short hallway that separated the bathroom and bedroom from the living room. He opened a narrow door, and began pulling out blankets and pillows.

"Yeah yeah, you want it in writing or something? An award?"

"An award would be nice. Yes, thank you."

Eames pulled a pen out of her bag, and flipped open her notepad. She scribbled something, then tore it off and handed it to him. He took it, read it, and smirked.

"It's amazing, Eames. Nearly comatose, and you can still manage to be unbelievably snarky."

"It's a gift."

"You do know that 'congratufuckinglations' is not technically a word, and therefore, could not "technically" be put into a legally binding contract?"

"Who said anything about legally binding contracts? You said writing. I wrote."

"Touché."

"God, Bobby, you look beat. Go to sleep, I'm sorry."

"Nah, I'm actually ... tired but not sleepy."

"I hear you."

"Bullshit. I _carried _you up here."

"Bobby, that's not "sleepy," that's "dead to the world." Besides, I have to work off this coffee buzz."

"You get a buzz from one sip?"

"I'm a cop. I take what I can get."

"Right, right. Wanna watch some tv or something?"

"Ooh!" She paused, midexclamation.

"What was that?"

"I was gonna say.. nevermind. Bobby? I just realized something."

"What."

"That night we got plastered? How did we wind up back at my place?"

"I have no idea."

"We didn't drive. Did we just walk, for some reason?"

"You know what it was? I think I remember. We did walk, as it so happens. _You _were convinced my apartment was kept just above freezing. You told me there was frost on all the shiny objects."

"What?"

"Look, I'm just telling you what happened."

"Did I really refer to "shiny objects?"

"Yes. You said, "Bobby, there'sh frosht on all the shiny objectsh in your apartment."

"Shut the fuck up."

"Shcout'sh honor."

"That explains a lot though."

"Like why we woke up at your place, and why, for instance.."

"You took off all your clothes?"

"It's like a bad pop song, isn't it."

"That's it. I'm sleeping now. I can't listen to anymore of this."

"Goodnight, Eames."

"'night, Bobby."

* * *

_ Well, SOMEONE has to explain the continuity errors, and by god, it's going to be Goren. Mikey Likey? Please R&R!  
_


	7. A small wager

_Thanks for the great reviews! Here's a much quicker update:

* * *

_

"Ow.. sonofa.." Eames muttered, as she sat up, rubbing her neck. It was still, surprisingly, dark out, but only just.

"Alex?" His voice was soft, "I didn't mean to wake you up."

"Hmm?" She squinted in the gloom. Bobby was peeking out from the kitchen at her.

"Nevermind. Go back to sleep."

"What are you doing?"

"Nothing."

"And... I'm awake. What are you doing?" Her eyes adjusted to the light, and her curiosity had her fully alert.

"Jesus christ. I'm getting a glass of water."

"Oh really."

"Yes, really."

"And the bathroom tap wouldn't suffice?"

"Okay.. fine. You got me. I left my cellphone in my coat pocket and came to get it because it's low on battery and I wanted to charge it."

"You woke up.. for that?"

"Well, I wasn't actually asleep."

"Jesus."

"What! I have an overactive mind." He said it in the way a child would defend itself by quoting a parent.

"I'll say."

"I'm sorry I woke you up."

"It's fine. I'm glad you did. If I spend another minute on this couch, my chiropractor will never forgive me."

"Is it that bad?"

"I can only hope mine isn't so awful."

"Actually.. well it is, but for different reasons, I'm sure."

"Hmm?"

"It's not really big enough."

"Oh. Right. Yeah, this one's just.. painful."

"There's probably stuff under the cushions."

"Turn a light on so you can fully appreciate the look on my face."

He laughed softly. "No way, we'll both go blind."

"Look, it's not like I'm going back to sleep, Bobby. I think I'm gonna head home. I appreciate the couch, though. ... In that I didn't drive into a firehydrant, and am sufficiently rested to get myself the two and a half blocks distance from your place to mine."

"Oh, you sound very grateful."

"A hydrant sounds a little bit softer than this couch."

"I fireman carried you, Eames. Does that count for nothing in this partnership?"

"Turn on the damn light."

"You're an impossible woman."

"Mm. And tired, too. I can't believe you never slept on this couch."

"Why would I?"

"No particular reason, granted, but I don't think you appreciate quite how unbearably painful it is."

"My wager sense is tingling. Are you suggesting I spend the night on my own couch?"

"Yes, sir, I am."

"That's absurd."

"I'll bet you don't last an hour."

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah."

"How much?"

"Three drinks at McGuff's."

He sighed. "Alright. You're on."

"Tonight."

"Eames.."

"Come on, Bobby, you'll never do it, otherwise."

"Sure I will."

"Look, you're so tired anyway, you might just pass out and not realize your terrible mistake until morning."

"It IS morning."

"You know what I mean."

"Alright. You sure you're okay to drive?"

"Absolutely. I'll see you Monday. Enjoy your couch of agony."

"Oh, I'm sure I'll love it. It probably feels like feathers. Or a pleasant massage, Miss-Everything-in-your-apartment-has-frosted-over."

"Yeah, yeah, laugh it up. You'll probably just go right back to bed and pretend you spent an hour on the couch. And for cheating, you'll even buy me three drinks. No dice, buddy."

"Look, you won't know the difference either way."

Eames' eyes glinted mischeviously in the half-light. "Unless I stay."

"It's not gonna be too cold for you?"

"I have a sweater."

"Thank god for that." She couldn't see, but she sensed him rolling his eyes.

* * *

_Okay kids, you know the drill. R&R, and make it good. ;D_


	8. Less talk

_In which there is no talking whatsoever, Alex finds herself a bit out of her depth, and Bobby concedes defeat.  
_

* * *

She paused in the semi-darkness. Despite her fatigue, and her strong desire to find someplace soft and warm to curl up for a few hours, something held her back. She stood in the doorway to Bobby's bedroom. Despite the early morning gloom, she could tell he was neat. Not meticulous, but neat. A pair of pants were draped over a chair, and the faint green LED glow of his alarm clock lit up a pile of books on his bedside table. 

It was cool, a bit too cool for her tastes. The air smelled different, too. It smelled like clean sheets and ... a spicier, masculine scent. A very small voice in the back of her mind made a mental note that the funk she had noticed earlier must have come from Logan.

She heard him shift on the couch, and slipped further into his bedroom.

_Now is not the time for second thoughts. There are drinks to be won. _

Alex Eames never backed down from a bet. She very rarely lost them, too, and she sure as hell wasn't gonna let him win _this _one, or slip out of it. But this...

This was his bedroom. The most private part of his home. She slowly sat down awkwardly on the side of the bed. The covers were still thrown over, from when he'd gotten up. He must have been reading, she mused. Her eyes drooped, and she realized his bed was pretty comfortable, but then.. just about anything would be comfortable at this level of exhaustion. She eased her legs under the covers, and slipped down. Still, she lay stiff, feeling every inch the invader.

The soft pillow under her smelled like detergent and him. The bed was still warm. She snuggled lower, and slowly, she relaxed.

* * *

Bobby tried to shift. How was it _possible _a couch that was so comfortable to sit on could be so awful to sleep on? It felt like rocks were digging into his back and neck. He sighed, and grabbed the remote, turning on the tv. There were a lot of infomercials, and not much else. Some episode of Crime and Punishment, but it was a rerun from earlier in the week -- the same one he'd watched with Eames. Cinemax had some B grade soft core porn involving panthers, which gave him pause, but only in the way a driver pauses when passing a bad accident on the highway. 

He turned off the tv, and lay back. It was slowly getting brighter, and that didn't help his sleeplessness. He glanced at the dim glow of the vcr clock. It blinked 5:03 at him. After an eternity, it began to blink 5:04.

Not _even _an hour. This was excruciating. He had to get a new couch. That was it. How many times had he offered his couch to unknowing victims? No _wonder _Eames had insisted on going back to her place. _Her _couch was actually tolerable. It was a love seat, but he could get a few hours of good sleep on it. He paused, and considered the entire situation.

Eames had won her bet, fair and square, but he couldn't just go in and wake her up. Surely she would be asleep by now. How had he gotten into this situation?

His eyes drooped. Despite his discomfort, he was exhausted. It had been an extremely long week. He got up to use the bathroom.

As he stepped out, he realized the door to his bedroom was still wide open. He glanced in, and saw Alex curled up on _his _side of the bed.

* * *

Despite the sun having long risen, the room was still shadowy. It was impossible to tell what time of day it was without consulting the clock. So, when Eames woke slightly to find herself snuggled up to the wide, warm chest of her partner, his heart beating steadily near her ear, she was not immediately alerted. What _did _wake her up was the strong arm that gently pulled her closer. 

It was strange, she thought sleepily, she was not in love with this man. Nor could she entertain ideas of a physical nature. Yet.. this was truly intimate. Sex could be impersonal, violent, unemotional, or .. just plain bad. But ... _this, _this was something on another level altogether. His warm chest rose and fell hypnotically. This, she mused, was better than all the sex in the world. _Well, _a small voice insisted on pointing out, _perhaps not _all _of it. _But you couldn't do this with a stranger.

* * *

_MORE? R&R!_


	9. Perhaps, perhaps, perhaps

_You know, I was puzzling about how to go about this next chapter, because in 8 parts, all I've been doing is upping the ante and avoiding certain shippy fanfic inevitabilities. I found myself momentarily concerned about how I could possibly continue this fic in a fashion I would like to, while still pleasing you, my lovely (and reviewing -- thank you!) readers. Then it hit me... what the hell could I write that you guys _wouldn't _like?_

* * *

Critics or advocates, no one disputed the brilliance of Detective Robert Goren, but no one met Goren while he was half asleep, either. Certainly, while certain strokes of genius hit him at odd times, during sleep, or while waking up in the shower, this was not such a moment in time, and such moments, while not _rare _per se, were not the norm, either. 

So, it didn't entirely compute that his partner, _Detective _Alexandra Eames, a woman he respected both as a colleague and as an individual, was in his bed, asleep. All that computed was that a small, soft warm body was snuggled up against him. His arm cradled her, and pulled her closer, so that her head nestled under his chin, and half of her was on top of him.

With the shift in position, she moved her leg over his, and felt his hips shift under her. She sighed softly in her sleep, his warm chest rising and falling softly below her.

It was at this moment that both detectives achieved a state of consciousness that, while a far cry from wide awake, could best be described as "growing awareness." As it dawned on them what their predicament was -- tangled in bed with one another -- two other important facts revealed themselves to both individuals.

1. Goren was sporting a healthy and uncomfortable erection.

2. Eames had evidently removed her pants before climbing into bed.

While both persons involved were undeniably intelligent, rationale people, who used both logic and reason on a daily basis in both professional and personal lives, both Goren and Eames independently and simultaneously adopted the same exact approach: Pretend It Isn't Happening.

Arguably, this is not a rationale or effective method of responding to a situation. Furthermore, both could tell you first hand that this method inevitably ends badly, yet both embraced it with gusto.

If you have ever been in a situation where you have been compelled to freeze, without moving, for any extended period of time, it suddenly becomes desperately important to shift. One also becomes increasingly aware of just where every part of them is, and what is touching what. For instance, if you are to freeze and hold your position now, you'll find your mind wandering to where your feet are, what your fingers are touching. If you're sitting on something you initially thought was comfortable, it will slowly become not-as-comfortable.

This is exactly what happened to our heros. It began to dawn on both of them, as the pressing need to move began to settle upon them, that they were equally trapped. Goren had his arm securely around Eames. Likewise, her leg pinned him, her thigh pressed intimately against him.

As both thought about the foolishness of their predicament, and really, how truly innocent it was, despite the unfortunate tangle they'd gotten into, it became obvious that someone was just going to have to break the ice.

"Well, I guess you won the bet."

"I think you lost that bet." Both said at once.

Within seconds, they were untangled.

"But.. I'm not entirely sure who should be buying whom the drinks." Eames raised an eyebrow from across the bed.

_Fin._


End file.
